1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathroom faucet on and off with your toes.



2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming of running over a string or a peice of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.



3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize a peice of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow remove all the germs.



4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane.



5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.



6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.



7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.



8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.



9. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses his nose to it.



10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away

A young child is a noise with dirt on it.

A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world has nothing to do with tires.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.

Be nice to your kids, they'll chose your nursing home.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

Familiarity breeds children.

For adult education, nothing beats children.

God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once.

God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.

Having children is like having a bowling ball installed in your brain.

Having children will turn you into your parents.

If a child looks like his father, that's hereditary; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.

If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

Ill bred children always display their pest manners.

Insanity is inherited, you get it from your children.

It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.

It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.

Money isn't everything, but it keeps the kids in touch.

Never lend your car to someone to whom you have given birth.

One child is often not enough, but two children can be far to many.

You can learn many thighs from children, like how much patience you have.

Summer vacation is the time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

The first sigh of maturity is the discovery that the volume control turns to the left.

There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going

Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.

The best thing to spend on children is time.